Galactic Imperium News Service (GINS): The Society of the Golden Pacifier is proud to announce that all major universities and urban areas now have groups meeting on a weekly basis. The group, which was started in 1989, promises a safe space for all leftists who pride themselves on their intolerance and strong commitment to throwing tantrums whenever they encounter something they don’t like. Carl A. Marcks, President of the Society stated that she/he/it was very proud of the work they had done in using childish views and a 4th grade public school understanding of history and social issues in order to force their beliefs in regards to the removal of controversial veterans monuments, free healthcare for the speckled dodo, radical feminist issues, sexism and the under representation of green pickles in the video game culture (as represented by gamergate), reproductive rights for starfish, bigotry and patriarchy in casket design, and racism as represented by cupcakes. “We are extremely pleased to have members who also sit in some very powerful positions in government, academia, the press and entertainment industries.” Marcks said in regards to the latest shocking revelations of the despicable qualities of white male lab mice – and the subsequent social media outcry from SJW types through Europe and the United States. “It’s great to think of how we’re able to use tax dollars and well-funded leftist / progressive special interest groups to actively oppress the things we don’t like.”
The group encourages the use of their attached seal to print off and hang up in windows in order to help spread the word.